Bailey & Karen Shaffer
Currently reside in: Arizona
Renewal ceremony location: Carlsbad, CA
Married: March 19, 1971
- Karen uses Bear Fruit Hair products for daily moisturizing and weekly conditioning.
- Marissa Swan, owner of Bear Fruit Hair, is working with the bride as a consultant. Bear Fruit Hair creates customized hair and skincare products, and will be providing customized hair conditioners, skin lotions and oils as wedding favors and gifts to the bridal party and guests. Along with the individual ingredients being selected for the products, the labels will be customized per the bride’s choice (unique titles, ceremony details, or guest names).
YOUR STORY AND HAIR GOALS - Your hair through the ages, ‘weaved’ in among your love story...
Briefly tell us about the ‘love story’ of your marriage, and a memorable moment of love shared between the two of you.
Karen writes: “I knew I was in love when I saw him cleaning and mopping at his mom's house and he bought me food from McDonalds. When we were dating he was working and knew he couldn't take me to my junior prom so he paid for everything and had a friend of his take me. We used to stay on the phone till all hours of the night/morning just talking.”
You’ve been married for 40 years – is there a ‘recipe’ for a long-lasting, loving marriage that you have?
Karen writes: “Give, forgive, be best friends, enjoy each other, make time for each other, support each other, protect each other and don't tear them down to others. Be romantic, sexy, and take care of yourself and each other. Let go of your egos. Do something special for the other.”
Speak especially to African-American men/women or couples: Is there anything that stands our particularly related to the black experience of marriage relationships that comes to mind for you?
Karen writes: “You have to see all the obstacles that are inherent when you are a black man/woman and empathize with your spouse. You have to balance each other, tell them when you think they're blaming too much of their circumstances on their color but support them when you feel color might be an issue.”
What were your thoughts about your hair when you first met, were dating, and first married your spouse?
Karen writes: “I thought I had great soft hair but it wasn't long enough so I had a great "blown out" afro that was perfect at times.”
On the flip side, what have been your thoughts through the ages about your husband’s hair – his hairstyles, maintenance, and thoughts you have in general?
Karen writes: “He's always had perfect hair, easy to grow, he had to cut it often. When we were dating he was one of the first in the neighbor hood to have a "superfly" perm, he actually when and got a perm then the lady curled his hair like she would a woman. It's always been so easy to maintain, he's always gone to the barbershop or had me cut it with the clippers. He had a hugh afro when we got married, just perfect. He has nice color, the right amount of gray. My daughter got her beautiful hair from him.”
What are memorable moments you experienced that concerned your hair – its look, care, or affect on your married life?
Karen writes: “Going from a texturizer to a relaxer was horrible. It took a toll on my hair and I didn't know how to take care of it. I've always felt I needed to add hair to look good, but my husband goes with the flow.”
What hairstyle do you plan to wear for your wedding?
Karen writes: “Big afro puff!”
Bear Fruit Hair recommends: “The bride will be wearing an afro hairpiece. Underneath it, make sure the natural hair is moisturized, well-detangled, and braided, though not tightly. Don’t allow the hairpiece to be latched onto the strands too tightly as to damage the hair underneath.”
What would be your dream hairstyle for your lifestyle in general?
Karen writes: “An easy-to-comb afro.”
Bear Fruit Hair recommends: “Karen likes to do a lot of different things with her hair, including using hairpieces at times. To keep her natural hair protected from all the different styling, she’ll want to focus on a consistent protective style while sleeping, and have in place the protective style that works well with hairpieces during the daytime in order to protect her hair. It’s difficult to come up with a protective style on the spot while rushing to get ready for work in the morning, so prepare ahead of time. When she wears her natural hair in an afro, she’ll want to keep it detangled and moisturized, of course, as well as keeping it protected from other outside elements such as the environment or rubbing on clothing, etc.”
What challenges and goals do you currently have with your hair care?
Karen writes: “I'm trying to go all natural but I'm not sure how to have my hair cut to accommodate a very, very, very low maintenance hairstyle.”
Bear Fruit Hair recommends: “It can be tough to persuade someone who’s not in love with their natural hair to do all the things required to maintain it well. Natural hair is generally only low maintenance if you’re not concerned with different daily styles, or styling much at all, beyond protective styling. With different people’s personalities, they may want natural hair and be willing to keep it cut short for a low maintenance style, or to keep it back or braided. Other personalities want a low-maintenance style, but find it discouraging to do the work that goes into maintaining it the night before. Mental preparation and a solid choice have to occur first, in order to be set up for maintenance success toward your hair goals. Many people choose goals that are incompatible with their lifestyle, and they end up or remain discouraged. Make realistic choices for your lifestyle and hair goals. A suggested choice for Karen would be a shorter cut style – chin-length or shorter works well with her face and overall look. Karen lives in the Arizona desert, so daily moisture is definitely recommended.
Back to the love...if you were to write a poem about your love story (it doesn’t have to rhyme) – sum it up for us! (As though love can be summed up... ;-)
“God was so thoughtful
He gave me Bailey
Bailey was so gracious
He gave me himself!”